I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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