its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
