Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My breasts were aching with rage.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
