I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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