I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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