He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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