if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
