i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
