You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had to cum in my sink.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
