# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
