No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
