The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
