I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
