I wish I could teleport
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
