I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
