How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
