Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hippo gnu deer
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
