im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
