I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
