whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
