I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
honey bunches of taint.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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