You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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