may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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