operation harelip BJ is a go
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
