Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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