Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
