Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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