I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize