well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He kissed a someone with a penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
