Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
