she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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