Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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