update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
