Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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