Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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