She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
A+ Viking dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
