I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
