its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He has the fingertips of a God
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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