i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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