if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
