You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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