I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
