chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
