happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
