so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
