We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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