Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
