There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
