i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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