Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize