Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
