It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
