fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
