She is in my trunk
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
