it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
