i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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