Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
