You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
