I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
