Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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