i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
