I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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