There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
