True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
