So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
