dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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