Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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