Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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