he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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