I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We're not piercing ourselves today.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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