if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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