wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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