He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
