Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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