This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
