im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
