i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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