I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize