The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
