so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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