Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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