so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
