I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
