allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
